through

it seems i had nearly forgotten about this blog.
my last post indicated that i would say something after my clinicals. its just over a year since i sat those. i thought i'd be pleased to say yes, i passed. a year on in.
another year till i get my ticket. finally, consultant.
it seems that everytime one goal is achieved the yard stick moves again - it feels as though one does not actually 'arrive'. i cannot tell you of how many instances i have felt like a fraud - feeling (and knowing) that i don't actually know anything about human nature but being perceived to hold the answers to the questions of what it means to be human by my patients. are you kidding? its interesting though, that much of the work is akin to pastoral care.

anyways, i won't harp on for too much longer.
i will retire this blog from this post on (i think it's served its purpose, albeit a selfish one) but have actually been posting on www.thepsychreg.blogspot.com over the last year. as you can probably guess, i've separated my blog posts as a way to mark developmental progression. by way of introduction, thepsychreg is merely a place to contain my thoughts/feelings/ideas/life ponderings etc...over the course of my professional development as a child psychiatrist in the last couple of years of my training.

i'll be grown up soon

2 years since my last blog post!

i will be sitting the last exam of my registrar life!

the drive to escape training and the desperation of needing to feel like an adult is starting to take its toll a little.

confidence waning and anxiety rising. i am blessed to have support from family and friends.

2 weeks from now - 1 year of hard slog funneled into 50minutes of precious precious time.

next post in 2 weeks.

understanding is fun

the chestnut of how the fall of man consequently led to adverse effects for the human race ipso facto physical and mental disorders is old hat. however in our clinical work - using this as an explanation doesn't suffice. engel talked about holistic practice ie. taking the biological, psychological, and social perspectives on board in our formulations of patient problems - some argue that its a little too broad and non-specific for people's tastes - but it seems to cover the major issues for patients. albeit with broad brush strokes.

what's missing is of course spirituality AND even more important culture (*gasp! what is he saying?! "heathen!"). Interestingly your religious leanings seems to say a lot about your own personality - pathological or not.

when confronted with a clinical problem we have to consider context - you'd be a little bit foolish to conclude that pontine meningiomas are demonic and perhaps curable only by exorcism (Manning 2008, personal correspondence!) also i'd be foolish to say that the sequelae of having to cope with it doesn't involve faith.

hearing 'voices' as in auditory hallucinations may very well have a biological substrate however the meaning attributed to them will invariably be influenced by one's cultural leanings and spiritual beliefs. us so called "christian psychiatrists" get a bit of a bad rep. we are the proverbial soft targets for both ultra conservatives and our medical counterparts. so you can imagine it gets kinda lonely where we are.

people with schizophrenia are the poorest of the poor, and perceived to be the weakest of the weak - not only are they generally in worse states of physical health, they seem to have higher rates of suicide too, and are more likely to be financially destitute. a veritable mission field - the work is great and the workers are so so few ... or working for pharma.

it is true that psychiatrists were involved in a number of significant abuses including the so called 'logical conclusion' of the eugenics movement during the nazi regimen - misguided by erronous neo-darwinian and neo-mendelian theories. also let us not forget the old soviet union - when once again misguided psychiatrists were more agents of the state than doctors. often 'labelling' political dissenters as insane. however psychiatrists like phillipe pinel in the 1800's and guys like benjamin rush were radical enough to speak against the archaic beliefs of pre-enlightenment christians. remember salem? so called 'witches' suffering from mental illnesses were treated with burnings. a quick fix no doubt.

we like to blame each other for all that is wrong in the world - really we ought to be taking a good hard look at ourselves.

men of taste

photo courtesy of hannah (cheers!)

although i don't remember this particular photo being shot, i don't even remember us ever being this cool! perhaps the hair extensions were a little retarded.
its been over 3 years since galmi and still the memory of it remains hot in my mind. seeing this photo has that strange effect of inducing odd euphoric-melancholic feelings in my gut (its not the shirts...they're pretty gnarly eh?) . i just doubt that our presence there had any lasting impact on that land - rather its changed me more than i thought. the vastness of africa simply absorbed my ego like an m and m in a boiling vat of bolognaise. while there i thought i was doing some good. changing things with what little i had to give. the converse is true. africa has left its mark on me.

instead of invigoration or inspiration, a feeling of sadness has crept in - have i lost that zeal and enthusiasm that us physicians-in-training started with? i don't think i can blame the work load or the gruelling process of further specialist training - have i grown a brain too proud for self examination? is it better to criticise or accept without judgement? they say that ignorance is bliss. more than ever am i beginning to realise how apt that aphorism might be. debating the validity of mission work (and everything else) leaves me with a little sour taste. yes, i know that it is essential in particular situations - however i am also only beginning to learn how to suspend this function for the better experience of fun and humour. only now am i starting to realise that one can have both. i thought i had given up on returning there to galmi - now i wonder if going back would be a good thing?

lkjlkjlkjl

i suffer from writers' block. its chronic.
surveying various blogs here and there, most of them reputable and interesting, leaves me feeling mentally stunted. notwithstanding my own opinions on various topics/issues/blah/blah/blah, i think i have an aversion to making them heard. unless what i say is going to produce some sort of benefit - then its better not to say it. (you may disregard all of this by the way). whoa...there's a contradiction! i mean, is what i think really going to have any sort of meaning unless i do something about it?

have you ever been anywhere where you might be in a position (through no fault of your own) to eavesdrop on a private debate - where two or more very opinionated buffoons argue in futility about issues which ain't gonna be solved because they're arguing about it?
"oh but davin - its healthy to talk about important issues - because it makes you think". Is that all? Is that all you are going to do? 'Think?' - Why won't you do something instead? You've just wasted thousands of calories basically talking about nothing - congratulations you've (in some small way!) managed to amplify the greenhouse effect with all your hoo haa. LOL. those poor poor canaries.

formatting woes

what a dumbass.
i had backed up all my old files including my CV on 5 separate cds.
i formatted my hard drive.
i reinstall everything.
load the backup cds...only to find that my old files hadn't been saved onto the cds!!!!!!

such a goober!
photos, music, documents. gone. kaput.

damn it.

Whalefarmers unite!

after 3 and a half years of collating our half-baked ideas, we've finally printed our first run of tees. rest assured that there will be more! i just hope it doesn't take another 3 and a half years.

What Whalefarm is not:

We are not a clothing label! Albeit we are presently using that medium to present our ideas and to make statements.

What ideas?

Well, they're not so much ideas as they are statements. There is a tonne of stuff out there in the world put forward by various people and groups with strong ideas, and some have louder voices than others. Some ideas are better than others. Some ideas are crazier and dumber than others. HOW should people respond to them? Exactly...!

We would like people to examine facts. Search for truths - (note that it is the search that is the reward). Educate ourselves. Don't take everything presented to you at face value.

What is it that really matters?

Disregard trivia. But know that they exist.

Basically we like poking fun at people who take themselves too seriously, in the hopes that they'll stop taking themselves too seriously.

You can choose to buy a t-shirt from our first run for $40....its up to you.

Comes in 4 colours, red, miltary green and 2 others - i can't remember what they are.

Size range - small to large, and medium in the middle.

send me an email if you'd like one

whalefarm@hotmail.com